


Big Brain Angel Dust

by littledemon66



Series: Polyglot Angel Dust [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Gen, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Self-Indulgent, This was inspired by my need to have Angel be smart and Alastor to go absolutely feral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledemon66/pseuds/littledemon66
Summary: Angel comes back to the hotel and he's actually using his brain cells? Of course, he's just not coked out of his mind.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Both ships are pretty minor though, Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Polyglot Angel Dust [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599322
Comments: 35
Kudos: 450





	Big Brain Angel Dust

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for Hazbin, so characters are probably gonna be a little OOC until I get the hang of writing their personalities. Also because this is pure, unadulterated crack. I had to use Google Translate for all the other languages, so I apologize if anything was wrong. Enjoy!

“Well, since the news interview was pretty much a failure, we need a new way to advertise the hotel!” Charlie tried to keep a smile on her face. “So, um, any ideas?”

“If the interview was a total failure, there’s not much you really  _ can _ do…” Husk mumbled from the front desk. “Not sure what else you can do if you publicly fucked up on the news.”

“Not if we think like that! There’s gotta be something we can do.” Charlie tried to stay optimistic, leaning into Vaggie’s touch, who had placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Just take it easy, hun. We can try and figure something out later.” Vaggie squeezed Charlie’s shoulder reassuringly.

The front door of the hotel opened, revealing Angel in the doorway. He walked up to the bar, sitting down in a barstool.

“Hey, toots. What’s with the long face?” Angel asked, reaching over the bar and grabbing a bottle of whiskey. Husk tried to take it back, but Angel easily batted his hands away.

“We’re trying to figure out a better way to advertise the Happy Hotel! Any ideas, Angel?” Charlie prodded, bouncing on the heels of her feet.

“Do you really think he’s gonna have any bright ideas?” Vaggie mumbled to her girlfriend.

“Why don’tcha just have an event here or somethin’? Like a concert or a party? And everybody that shows up’ll know about the hotel. You could even just sign ‘em all up without their consent!” Angel took a swig of the whiskey.

“Don’t be stup–” Vaggie stopped herself, thinking over the idea. “Wait… that could work.”

“Did… did he just have a good coherent thought?” Husk looked almost affronted by the fact that Angel had a nonsexual idea.

“Hey! I have good ideas sometimes!” Angel crossed his lower set of arms. Charlie slowly stepped closer to Angel, Vaggie’s hand falling off of her shoulder. She stood right in front of him with Angel eyeing her suspiciously.

“That could work! It’s a great idea!” Charlie grinned widely at Angel. The latter looked at Charlie, bored, and took yet another swig of whiskey. “Do you have anything else to add?”

“Not really? Look, toots, I don’t feel like answering questions, aight? Just… do whatever you want.” Angel leaned back a little to keep Charlie at a distance.

“How did you of all people even think of that in the first place?” Vaggie put a hand on her hip, considering the idea of having a party to advertise. Angel scoffed at the question.

“Ain’t that rude? If you really needa know, I didn’t get my drugs this morning. The machine was outta the good shit. I even yelled at it! I yelled ‘GIVE ME MY COKE OR FIGHT ME!’” Angel whined. “Ooh, maybe for the party, we can give out free booze and drugs! Pretty sure that strawberry pimp can just make booze out of, like, thin air or something!”

“We are NOT doing that! We’re supposed to be discouraging sin! We can’t  _ encourage _ sin when we’re trying to get redemption!” Vaggie argued.

“Then how do you think anyone’s gonna wanna show up, doll? If ya ain’t gonna give the masses what they want, you better not be expecting anyone.” Angel countered. He traced the top of the bottle with his index finger.

The front doors were slammed open, startling everyone. A quiet radio hum was heard from the door, earning an annoyed sigh from Vaggie.

“And here I was, thinking that he finally left for good,” Vaggie complained. Alastor looked at Vaggie with disinterest.

“Of course not, my dear! I’m here to stay and help with this fine establishment!” Alastor kept the everlasting smile on his face. “Now what were you all discussing?”

“Angel just had a coherent thought about advertising the hotel.” Husk said right after a sigh. He began to clean one of the glasses a hotel resident had left behind.

“Oh?” Alastor gave a surprised smile at Angel. “Well, that certainly is news.”

Angel scoffed at the comment, taking another swig of whiskey. “Rude. I’ll have you know that I get ideas sometimes! It ain’t just sex up in here.” Angel tapped his head a few times.

“And am I just expected to believe that?” Alastor’s grin turned teasing as he leaned onto his microphone. “You’re not exactly known for your bright ideas.”

“ _ Vestri 'non exacte innotescit ad auxilium tuum, _ ” Angel muttered under his breath. Alastor blinked in confusion.

“Angel, you know Latin!?” Charlie demanded, grabbing Angel by the shoulders and shaking him.

“Latin?” Alastor’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, immediately evening out. “Well, what did he say?”

“My parents taught me Latin! Um… I think he said…” Charlie went silent. “Oh! He said ‘you aren’t known for your helpfulness…’ or something like that.”

Angel felt a victorious smirk form on his face as he watched everyone’s growing confusion. Vaggie had gone quiet since Angel and Alastor had begun speaking, watching the two demons with a slightly amused expression. Husk had stopped cleaning the glass and began to watch with mild interest. Unbeknownst to the other demons, Niffty had come out of a resident’s room after finishing a quick clean up. She bounded over to the bar and took a seat right next to Angel.

“What’s going on?” Niffty whispered to Husk. He groaned in response.

“Angel’s being really smart right now. Savor it while it lasts, kid.” Husk finally said, watching the tension grow between the two demons.

“How does someone of your caliber know Latin?” Alastor looked at Angel with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“ _ Vere enim refert? Quid, quod tu enim iam tibi molestum non erit ultra in celebres cultissima? _ ” Angel snickered to himself. Charlie’s eyebrows scrunched together in thought.

“Um… I think that means something along the lines of ‘does it really matter? Does it bother you that you aren’t the,’ uh, ‘smartest anymore?’” Charlie stumbled through her translation. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I heard Latin. I’ll get better as we go, I promise!”

“Knowing a new language does not mean you are intellectually superior, Angel!” Alastor stopped leaning on his microphone, now holding it in his right hand.

“ _ Sed hoc facit, fragaria leno _ .” Angel grinned, hiding part of his smile behind his hand.

“‘But it does…’ um, I haven’t heard that one before… ‘berry,’ no, wait… ‘strawberry pimp?’” Charlie looked visibly confused. Vaggie shot a glare at Angel, who simply shrugged.

“Ah yes, ‘strawberry pimp.’ I still haven’t the slightest clue as to why you like to call me that.” Alator’s grip on his microphone tightened as he spoke.

“Because he thinks you look like one. His words, not mine. I have no idea what goes on through his head.” Vaggie started. Angel opened his mouth to speak before she gave him a pointed glare. “And I don’t want to know either.”

“ _ Quod suus 'a personalis quaestio _ .” Angel stuck his middle finger up at Vaggie. Vaggie looked over at Charlie in desperation.

“Oh! That means ‘that’s a personal problem.’” Charlie clapped her hands together.

“ _ Vos volo ut switch linguae mihi? _ ” Angel said, amusement palpable in his voice.

“‘Do you want me to switch languages?’” Charlie translated. “And please switch. I don’t think I can keep translating like this. I never really paid too much attention to my Latin classes.”

“ _ Questo meglio? _ ” Angel rested his chin in his free hand, smirking.

Everyone stared at Angel in clear shock. Charlie’s jaw dropped and Vaggie stared at Angel open mouthed. Niffty took a quick glance at Angel as Husk laughed to himself. Alastor almost crushed his microphone in his hand and his smile was tight.

“You speak Italian too!?” Vaggie exclaimed.

“ _ Certo che lo faccio! Sono italiano! _ ” Angel sounded offended, taking his chin off of his hand and placing it over his chest in hurt.

“He said ‘this better?’ and then said ‘’course I know because I’m Italian.’” Husk quipped. Angel’s response was only a raised eyebrow at the cat. “Did I not mention that I know 7 languages? I could probably translate a good amount.”

Angel leaned back, intruding into Husk’s personal space. The arachnid whispered something under his breath in Italian so Husk would be the only one who would understand. The cat demon stepped in recoil, making a face of disgust.

“Never say that to me again, you little shit.” Husk growled at Angel, pouring himself and Angel another drink.

“What did he say this time?” Vaggie groaned in aggravation. In response, Husk grimaced.

“Nothing that I want to repeat.” Husk grumbled quietly. He took another swig of his drink to wipe the past few seconds from his memory. Angel snickered quietly to himself and cleared his throat.

“ _ Et maintenant? _ ” Angel hummed, which was quickly followed by a ‘are you fucking serious’ from Vaggie.

“God fucking dammit. That’s French for ‘and now?’” Husk added, now completely annoyed by the amount of translating he was doing.

“I am quite aware of what he just said, my dear Husker.” Alastor said darkly. The radio static that was normally less significant than white noise became threatening. Alastor’s eyes began to shift into radio dials. Vaggie grabbed Charlie by the arm and all but ran out. Husk glanced around the room and watched Alastor’s shadows flicker dangerously around the room.

“Hey Niffty, let’s go look around the hotel. Pretty sure I heard someone planning to trash their room later today.” Husk said to the shorter demon. Niffty’s eye widened as she zipped out of the room, whispering ‘nope’ with more vehemence than necessary.

As Husk closed the door behind him, he heard Alastor slip into his Cajun accent and began yelling in French. Niffty had bounded off to try and find the room that Husk was talking about, not realizing that it was a lie to keep themselves out of Alastor’s animalistic wrath.

Having known the deer demon for long as he had, Husk knew to never get in the way of Alastor’s wrath. Last time he had tried to step in, it had taken weeks for his wings to recover. If Angel wanted to test Alastor’s patience, that was on him. Husk was not ready to get involved in something that had nothing to do with him.

Charlie and Vaggie were pressed up against the wall next to the door, desperate to hear what was happening. They looked at the cat demon in hopes of getting a translation, but they were quickly shot down.

“There’s no way you’re getting me to translate any of that. They’re talkin’ way too fast for me to repeat.” Husk shook his head at the girls’ unspoken question. “And kids like you shouldn’t have to hear what Alastor’s sayin’ in there.”

Charlie’s hand slowly reached for the doorknob to open the door a little to see what was happening. Vaggie stopped her, shaking her head. They whispered in hushed tones, just loud enough to be heard over the chaotic French coming from the other side of the wall.

“If that was any one other than those two, I’d say they’d make out and make up. But those two might be at it for a while. Alastor goes  _ feral _ when he’s mad. Just stay away from those two for a couple days. I’m willing to bet he isn’t smiling in there right now.”

“Can you check to make sure they’re not hurting each other? Just a quick peek?” Charlie asked quietly. Husk must have made a face at that because Charlie backtracked. “I’m just worried for them.”

Husk sighed and rolled his eyes. He muttered something under his breath and shooed the girls back a few steps. Suddenly, the yelling stopped. Husk opened the door just enough for him to take a quick look at the situation, hoping that it was somewhat salvageable.

Charlie and Vaggie tried to look over Husk’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of the scene, but the latter quickly closed the door. Husk looked paler than normal and his eyes were wide. Charlie and Vaggie shared a quick glance and began asking what he saw.

“They’re actually doing it…” Husk said hoarsely. “Why are they making out and making up!?”

**Author's Note:**

> Question for you guys: Would you want to see a follow-up part of the event that Angel suggested at the beginning? It would be Radiodust-centric, but would any of you be interested in that?


End file.
